Don Lemon’s Casual Misogyny
Just in time for Women’s History Month. Plus book stuff!
Don Lemon’s foot is no stranger to his mouth. The CNN anchor who somehow manages to still have a job after telling one of Bill Cosby’s rape victims she should’ve fought harder, showed us again exactly who he is on air.
During a segment criticizing Nikki Haley for attempting to lead while female, Lemon started riffing on her positioning, which is admittedly questionable.
“In the America I see,” Haley said at a rally in Charleston, S.C., “the permanent politician will finally retire. We’ll have term limits for Congress and mandatory mental competency tests for politicians over 75 years old.”
Like that’s gonna work. We knew exactly who our former president was when we elected him. But I digress.
Not to be outdone, Lemon went ageist and sexist. In a comment that began with expressing his personal discomfort at the thought of testing olds (Lemon is 56), he flipped the script on 51-year-old Haley, saying she’d chosen “the wrong road to go down.”
Then he went on a bonkers rant. “Nikki Haley isn’t in her prime, sorry! When a woman is considered to be in her prime is her 20s and 30s and maybe 40s.”
Gods bless Poppy Harlow, who—smile frozen in place—cut in with “What do you mean? Prime for what?” As someone who works on live television in front of a camera, I know exactly how difficult it is to keep a smile plastered on your face when someone is saying something you vehemently disagree with while coming up with a coherent but not combative response. Teeth still showing, Harlow suggested her colleague might want to add a qualifier around reproduction.
Did Harlow’s show of competence slow Lemon down for a nanosecond? Nope. After repeating his lunacy, he implored the viewers at home to look it up. Finally offering the ultimate mansplanation—“Google it!”
A full hour later, when correspondent Audie Cornish said to Lemon that prime associated with age relates to “sexual and reproductive prime,” he pushed back again. Without rescinding, he said his reaction was in response to Haley’s ageism. She started it!
His “apology” on Twitter was a further fail.
Did he just suggest he’s beyond reproach because he’s friends with women of a certain age?
In a surprise-slash-devastating twist, one of the more popular replies to this non-apology came from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who inserted himself into the conversation to excuse Lemon and patronize women everywhere. Note the “in my opinion” qualifier, like, wink wink, I know I’m out on a limb here, boys.
After Tweeting something later that contained the actual words “I’m sorry,” Lemon was back on air. And the network failed to capitalize on the ratings bonanza of a heart-to-heart among the anchors, and this is why CNN is doomed. But it brings me to the heart of this matter.
Conservatives, including xenophobic/anti-Semitic/abortion-banning Haley, are having a field day with this, using the moment to claim they champion women despite espousing policy platforms that oppose women’s rights. Haley Tweeted, “BTW it’s always the liberals who are the most sexist.”
Fox has devoted multiple segments to this issue, including this bizarre moment where Jesse Watters “kids” that women are in their prime in their late teens.
Kayleigh McEnany, erstwhile mouthpiece of the Trump administration, offered up her own sick burn, suggesting that Lemon had no such contempt for Hilary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi. She managed to be weirdly off topic yet still sexist and ageist.
Even the journalist Scott Galloway, on Pivot—the podcast he does with Kara Swisher—perpetuated the stereotype that IS the actual problem when he said, offhand during a discussion of the Lemon incident, that “the world is optimized for rich men and women in their childbearing years.” It’s not the first time he’s suggested such a thing, but only now, thanks to Don Lemon, did I fully realize the troublesome core of this repetition.
No. The world is not optimized for women in their childbearing years unless you’re a straight man. That is a blatant disregard for the experience of women.
Watching Poppy Harlow smile as Don Lemon conflated fertility and competence reminded me of the office holiday party I attended back in the mid ‘90s, where a male co-worker licked my back. Horrified, I left immediately. When I told my boss, she laughed and told me to get over it. In 2005, reporting a separate incident of sexual harassment at a different workplace earned a similar response, but without the laughter.
It wasn’t until after I got married in my mid-thirties that I realized how much of my energy I devoted to the fear of predation (real and imagined; I often felt seen as a threat and put enormous effort into not coming across as sexually available), or the terror of being employed while single and childless (and so counted on to stay late, provide weekend support, and answer uncomfortable questions).
Pre #metoo or not, between Harlow’s smile and the ongoing erosion of women’s rights, we can’t lull ourselves with the belief that the dark days of women being seen as objects for men’s pleasure are safely in the rearview. Especially if we participate. Since the on-air event, the only thing we’ve heard about Harlow was that, according to reports, she “stormed off” the set following the exchange. We’ve heard far more from Lemon.
The belief that the relatively short period of female fertility is when a woman has power is cultural. This is something it took me years to recognize. Had I not experienced divorcing while feminist within the conservative patriarchal society of Qatar, I don’t know if I would’ve understood the tacit agreements at the heart these beliefs. It’s why I wrote my first memoir, and, as I say in the book, combatting internalized misogyny requires ongoing maintenance. If we’re going to stop normalizing women as second-class citizens, we have to look at the cultural issues that inform policy decisions.
So don’t vote for Haley. Not because she’s past her childbearing years, but because of her arguably terrible political positions.
Welcome to Women’s History Month!
Gratitude
Less than three days after sending copies of my forthcoming memoir Blissful Thinking out into the world, I heard back from a reader! Someone I am not related to! But she’s a member of this community. Thank you,
. I love hearing that my work makes for an effortless read.
In other news…
Did you want to get to my free storytelling class but couldn’t make it? It’s up and ready for you to peruse at will! Or share with a friend. There is zero obligation and it just might help you loosen up a story. We all need more stories.
Now reading…
I’ve Had to Think Up A Way to Survive: On Trauma, Persistence, and Dolly Parton by Lynn Melnick.
Like most everyone alive today, I’m intrigued by Dolly Parton. But that isn’t what drew me to this book. I’d read some of her essays and was interested in the beautifully evocative way she wrote about her experiences with addiction, men, and, yes, Dolly. The links she makes between her own experiences, and the way Dolly Parton has moved through the world are extraordinary. You’ll never hear “Islands in the Stream” the same way again.
The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris.
There were so many layers at work in this story, and all of them interesting. Initially a story about the office politics of being the sole Black woman at work until another Black woman is hired, the story unfolds in unpredictable ways that kept me glued to the page, even when it veered into fantastical realms.
How about you, what are you reading?
Now watching…
Nothing. Seriously. Got any suggestions?
Though I am re-watching some “Fleabag.” SO good. I’ll be discussing this scene in particular with Alyson Shelton later this month on her fabulous podcast, FEMME ON. (Sign up for the chat if you want notice when that will air.)
Remember this scene?
Woo corner
This issue is decidedly low on things woo, so I’m including a quote from my coach Camille Pagán, who is helping me truly enjoy the book launch process.
See you next month!
Thank you Lisa for this valuable article. I personally deeply appreciate it.
For TV watching -- try The Law According to Lidia Poët on Netflix. We're really enjoying it, and I think it's up your alley.
https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/lidia-poet-true-story-facts