Notable: Creating Through The Hell That's Menopause
Don't worry, it will be heavenly! Eventually.
This month—an essay on the gift that is menopause (spurred by this glorious talk for the podcast Femme On: Fine Cut with Alyson Shelton, out May 25), an online webinar for writers with me (Present Like A Pro), a free retreat for finding your inner revolutionary with Dr. Rev. Angela Yarber, and a book reco. Read on.
Ch-ch-ch-changes
“The change of life is not seen so much as a change but an end,” fitness guru Kathy Smith once told me in an interview. “The end of femininity, the end of being a woman.”
Yup, I’d silently agreed at the time, blithely unaware that—at 37—I had to have been in perimenopause during our conversation.
When I was diagnosed as being in menopause at 39, I found myself asking, Am I not a woman anymore? I didn’t feel any different. It’s like, when someone asks you how old you are and you have to really think about it. The outside may be changing, but the inside doesn’t so much.
Not only that, I’d come of age reading Erica Jong and Judith Krantz. I felt comfortable mocking the fear of sexuality. But the end of sexuality—apparently how I viewed menopause—scared the hell out of me.
Seeing this internalized misogyny propelled me to write my memoir about living Qatar (the patriarchal Muslim country where my diagnosis was handed down), American Lady Creature, but it’s not where this story ends.
We’ve all heard how menopause accelerates aging (to which I must ask, compared to WHAT?, early death??), dries up the vag like it’s the Sahara while the rest of the body sweats profusely, and leads to fuzzy thinking. But for me, the diagnosis led to a decade of wonders—freed from the burden of my fertility clock, I no longer felt the need to pair up with anyone. I dated, or didn’t, as I pleased.
Between yoga, vitamin E (up-sold to menopausal women as evening primrose oil), an Ayurvedic supplement I got in India (Evanova), and acupuncture, the night sweats improved. The relief helped the sleeping and the moods. I quit smoking and lost weight.
Everyone experiences their symptoms differently, and some have it worse than others. But what I’ve seen happen time and again is that for many of us, menopause is a time of cutting the bullshit from our lives. In my case, that meant shedding my first husband. Fuzzy thinking was no real surprise considering that I was turning 40, freshly single and under-slept (my libido was fine). Even if nothing had changed, the cultural weight of menopause combined with the sneak attacks of hot flashes were a lot to process.
That said, early menopause has other grim complications associated with it—early death (.5-3.5 years), increased likelihood of heart disease and osteoporosis, and dementia. Hormone replacement therapy can help ameliorate the short-term symptoms listed above, but it doesn’t do anything conclusive to combat these longer-term problems. In my case, I was diagnosed not long after the doomsayer studies about hormone replacement therapy surfaced.
My feeling was, women went through this event for millennia without medical intervention. I’ll be fine. Then I broke my leg on a ski slope. I wasn’t even skiing. I was standing still and someone crashed into me.
The accident wasn’t long after I learned I had osteoporosis. Initially, the diagnosis hadn’t worried me much; osteoporosis is normal over 50. But the broken bone scared the shit out of me. So I started bioidenticals.
A type of HRT, studies haven’t shown that bioidenticals (note: this common to women word is showing up here as a typo) are any more effective than traditional HRT. But my doctor says he’s seen it improve declines in bone density. And I do prefer the idea that the drugs administered are in the smallest possible doses with bioidenticals. My fingers are crossed.
But Lisa, you may be wondering, what does this have to do with nurturing my creative life?
Great question! This is where woo meets reality this month.
First, so-called ‘premature’ menopause is not the norm (I prefer ‘early,’ but that’s an actual clinical term for people who experience menopause in their early 40s). It affects only one percent of women under 40 (about 13,000 women) each year. No matter when a woman goes through menopause, much of the talk around the experience makes it sound like something has gone wrong. Again I ask, compared to what? Menopause is not a health problem any more than getting your period is.* All women with uteruses will experience menopause. If they are lucky.
That said, for all of us, when menopause comes, it’s a reminder that our lives are brief. If ever I was going to take a chance on my creative output, NOW IS THE TIME. Cutting the crap includes time wasted on “what ifs” and “too lates.”
Recently, I spoke to a friend about what I think of as my internal creative spirit, in my mind’s eye, a golden-green fairy with delicate, powdery wings. She needs a lot of care, nurturing, and protection—i.e., cutting out bullshit—to glow. Since I’ve felt more urgently the presence of the end, I have grown increasingly willing to do that work. And that is my wish for you, whatever stage of life you’re in, and regardless of your gender identity. Eliminate whatever doesn’t serve your inner sprite.
COURSE ALERT—Present Like a Pro, Saturdays July 8th and 15th, 12 - 3pm Central
Many of you are familiar with
. I'm thrilled to let you know I'll be teaching a course for her Elephant Rock program, offering up the best of my storytelling and presentation tips for creative professionals.
In this safe and supportive environment, we’ll explore the heart of the story you want to tell with the goal of uncovering the most compelling and effective angles for generating enthusiasm for your story. As someone who never dreamed of leaving the comfort of her keyboard but now presents live on national television via the Home Shopping Network, I know how important this is and how awkward it can be. It’s about mindset and tools, and I’ll be sharing my very best tips with you. 2 sessions. Personal attention and feedback. $179.
A FREE ONLINE RETREAT JUST FOR NOTABLE SUBSCRIBERS:
If you’re looking for another avenue for creativity, I’d like to introduce Rev. Dr. Angela Yarber. I love what she brings to every encounter and feel fortunate to live in the same city and get to go to lunch with her on the regular, which is why I’m so thrilled to share this course opportunity with you.
Don’t let that Rev. part scare you. Dr. Yarber is a queer feminist powerhouse who tells the stories of revolutionary women through art, writing, retreats, and courses. She’s an award-winning author of eight books and her work has been featured in Forbes, Ms. Magazine, NPR, and the television show Tiny House Nation.
Whether it’s painting in her studio, running Tehom Center Publishing—a non-profit amplifying feminist and queer authors—teaching grad students, or leading retreats around the world, Dr. Yarber’s work unleashes the stories of revolutionary women from history and myth.
Acknowledging how draining the writing life can be, Dr. Yarber has a special gift for our community, a gift rooted in restorative self-care.
Join us in radical self-care for collective liberation inspired by the stories of seven different revolutionary women from history! Each day of your FREE online Self-Care Retreat offers a reflection based on a revolutionary woman's life, an inspiring work of art, questions for contemplation, a ritual, and a closing blessing. The course is online, on-demand, and self-paced. By the end of this retreat, you’ll feel connected to a community of subversive sister saints throughout history and enlivened to continue your work in the world!
Want a faster, more empowering solution? Download this FREE PDF about How to Be a Revolutionary Badass Woman, also grounded in the stories of 5 revolutionary women from history!
Now reading…
And finally… one of the chapters in my forthcoming memoir (Blissful Thinking: A Memoir of Overcoming the Wellness Revolution) is titled “The Failed Vegetarian.” I have tried, many times, to go veg unsuccessfully. There’s a hunger to effort ratio I can’t overcome. That said, I’m ALWAYS looking for new veg recipes, and I’m psyched I snagged the last copy of
’s Vegetarian Reset at Tombolo Books. You can still order it! And, coming soon-ish, you can check out my results on Insta, @llkirchner_.
Till next month, ciao!**
*For my book nerds, who learned about life largely through books, I may do a whole discussion around the forthcoming Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Are you down??
**My favorite husband and I are heading to Italy for our five-year anniversary.
Maybe it has something to do with trauma? I think maybe writers --especially of memoir/creative nonfiction-- are often people who've been through a lot and write to process. My mother also went through it at 39-40.
Great post as always. I was early. Went through it at 40.