Blissful Thinking is out at last! Thank you for being part of this incredibly long labor.
What’s happened since the launch has been a whirlwind. I’m blown away by the support from my writing tribe, though I have to admit, I never set out to build one.
As a young journalism student at Ohio State, my vision was that I’d sit behind a terminal and unleash my words onto the world without being part of the story. Besides the fact that I was never suited for that—I left news journalism because I couldn’t write an objective story to save my life—it’s no longer how the media operates.
Then I wrote two memoirs.
My plan was never to write about my life, but these stories stories convinced me otherwise. My first, American Lady Creature was about discovering my internalized misogyny (though you won’t find that sentence in the book, it’s a memoir, a story, not a primer). But I felt the story was most impactful if I made it personal, so I did. The same is true for Blissful Thinking, about my addictive search for nirvana. Staying true to life’s experiences and producing something readable continues to be much harder than I think. I need regular help with the craft.
Instead of going to grad school, I moved to New York City. I could. I didn’t have a husband or kids or gainful employment. Which also meant that going to classes was often prohibitive. One time I found $200 cash on a deserted Manhattan sidewalk and had to weigh if I should use the money for food or a writing class. I went for the class. To my great good luck, in that class I met other writers looking for more opportunity to get together and workshop. The group I teamed up with has continued meeting, weekly, since 2007. We’ve all published. As we’ve been more and less involved in the group, we’ve added new members. And this is what has improved my writing. Not the endless staring at my own words, but objectively engaging with other writers’ work. I see things in your writing I’m blind to in my own. Until I see it, and then I can’t unsee.
There have also been writers I’ve met online. One of the most supportive groups I’ve ever come across has been the #writingcommunity on Twitter. You’ll find that hashtag elsewhere, but it seems most active on Twitter. I would love to be more involved with social media groups — I try, and have certainly found incredible people there — but I become easily overwhelmed in those spaces. Yet there are multiple people I’ve only ever met online but with whom I’ve bonded.
That said, I love small conferences, writing retreats, and book events. Meeting people face-to-face helps me take in their humanity alongside their work.
ALL of the above have been incredible sources of community, craft, and inspiration. And now, quite unexpectedly, those friendships are supporting my work in ways that also overwhelm, but in the best way.
Does that mean you need a tribe?
There are downsides. Your friends will succeed in ways you can only dream about. They will generate more. They will win awards you do not. They will, you’ll suspect, make more money.
You will celebrate their work despite the pile of rejections in your inbox. You will learn that their success really has nothing to do with you. And, because they’re your friends, you’ll know they also experience rejection. If you want to pursue your craft, you will use this knowledge to fuel better work without worrying overmuch about outcomes.
You will worry too much about outcomes.
But there will be so many more, richer moments. You’ll read something that transports you. You’ll write something that transports you. A reader will reach out with an insight or a question or thanks or praise and you’re over the moon.
Still, I harbor a persistent fantasy that I think of as “The JD Salinger.” In that imagining, I live alone in my mansion creating nuggets of genius I toss out to an eager public who—without my bidding—finds and lauds my benevolence for even sharing said work. In terms of this delusion’s persistence, Salinger lived to be 91 and died at home a wealthy man (albeit he was also born into rich). Er, I wouldn’t mind that. But, like my journalism dream before, much as I love my alone-time, I’m not suited to the life of a recluse.
No matter what the creative pursuit—writing, dance, entrepreneurship, or visual art—there is work that can only be done alone. I’ve spent years working in solitude, whether it’s studying or creating. But the whole point of making art is to have something to share with other people.
So, do you need a tribe? Technically, no. But I cannot imagine my life without other creative people who don’t judge when you say things like, I have been working on this idea for a year and it’s still not working.
All that said, I would urge you NOT to assemble a tribe with the expectation of a payoff. That is a long game, and who can keep up with who did what for whom? Of course you should drop people who don’t acknowledge you or feed your soul or (the worst!) steal your ideas, but support them without needing the return. It’s good training for when people start engaging with your work. Besides, transactional relationships are tiresome.
The creative life is protracted. One success does not guarantee another. Taste is a fickle mistress. Even if you want to chase it. But solid relationships last.
Current work
A few essays I released in support of the memoir, I would love to know your thoughts on any of these. They’re a little cranky/weird.
-A piece in Salon about Russell Brand’s transformation from recovery hero to cult leader
-A piece in Creative Pinellas about how after I learned about Kali, fierce warrior and Hindu goddess, my life was never the same
-A piece in Insider about surviving trials when you have long-term addiction recovery, and the shorthand I came up with to describe the real but too often ignored phenomenon of being “sober precarious”
-This Blissful Thinking excerpt in
’s Beyond newsletter on SubstackYes there’s free stuff too!
I’m thrilled to be part of this FREE coaching summit coming up in October, Write Anyway! Designed as a series of micro-sessions aimed at helping you overcome obstacles in your writing, I’m teaching a session called, Unblocked: How to Tell a Different Story, applying storytelling techniques to come at your manuscript a different way. Click the image for free access to all the sessions.
Hosted by Sue Campbell, the guru behind Pages & Platforms, a service that offers craft and marketing help. I’ll be joined by—
Gabriela Pereira of DIYMFA.com
Brooke Warner of She Writes Press
Bill Kenower from the Fearless Writing podcast
Allison K. Williams, author of Seven Drafts
And a whole lot more!
And…
Yes, I take my sobriety seriously. Also, this made me LOL. No, I will not admit to how many times I’ve watched it.
Thank you for being here.
Yours truly,