It’s BnB Season, Do You Know Where Your Rights Are?

CW: Contains strong opinions about lady stuff, from Kate Middleton’s picgate to the platforming of Katie Britt to Barbie’s snub.

This photo has been doctored, not a real group pic.

It’s been a week for women and it’s only Tuesday.

We’ve known about the Barbie Oscar snub for a while, but just when we’d barely gotten over Katie Britt’s fundie-fueled kitchen table talk, the Oscars hit us in the face and then, wham!, along came that SCANDALOUS pic of Kate Middleton’s, only now she’s suddenly going by Catherine.

(Okay, maybe that name has been trending for a while now, but this non-royals-watcher had to double check to be sure we were talking about the same person and why not Cate? But that’s a non-controversy for another person to tackle.)

I’m struck by how similar this feels to 2007, the moments before the presidential campaign that would eventually pit John McCain against Barack Obama. During that lead up, we were obsessed with two women—Sarah Palin and Hilary Clinton. We did not treat either woman well. The message was, you can be a bitch, or you can be a bimbo. We opted out.

Now here we are, dissecting female role models again. For this exercise, the Kates are the same vision: Be Perfect. For that matter, so is Barbie. The difference in BnB is how the cracks show.

One of Barbie’s themes was that as soon as you start to think critically about life, you can no longer accept the facade of perfection. And it’s always a facade. That message, along with America Ferrera’s speech, hit a nerve. A $1.4 billion nerve. Billion.

Photo credit: Author’s snap of the Oscar broadcast as she wished Andy Warhol was still around.

This was beautifully encapsulated in the musical performances. In a surprising turn, the film got two noms in this category (but not for Lizzo’s anthem, another snub IMO). Billie Eilish won—and go Billie! Beautiful, poignant song—but these two songs are at the heart of how to win an Oscar: Please men.

Eilish herself is not constructed for the male gaze and she seems refreshingly authentic as a human. But her song, compared to Gosling’s delicious ode to male fragility, is waaaaaay more palatable to men. (Maybe they missed the line “I’m sad again/don’t tell my boyfriend.” Or appreciated it?)

Which brings me to Katie Britt. I quite enjoyed

Jess Piper

’s thoughts on that voice (do yourself a favor and listen to her read the piece), but must harp on the fact that fundie is not her actual speaking voice. She picked that sound on purpose (listen to Audie Cornish’s podcast for a clip).

I’m going to avoid the temptation of speculating on, well, most everything about her because that is damaging. But for this—if you actually care about families and children, her performance begs credulity. When she pondered aloud the concern that her children will have less freedom than she, I had to wonder what liberties she meant. Bodily autonomy? Education? Literacy? Or was that a veiled threat about their potential inability to tote arms? I still don’t know, because everything else about her vision for women in America was a phantasm.

Like her bizarre riff about Republican support for IVF. Umm. Does she mean those frozen cells must be kept viable ad infinitum so that everyone—with $20,000 to spare—can buy one if they want?

Plus that kitchen. I do hope that bland barren beigescape is not a human living space, but also, really? Was she trying to win an Oscar?

Britt did more for Joe Biden than anyone or thing else could have, and yet, there’s still time. Remember getting out the pantsuits and pussy bows in 2016? This battle is not yet won.

Trump is a disaster for women, but he’s not alone. If we are no better off than our lowest community member, we are Alabama. Not France. The good news is, the dude started a GoFundMe to pay

Ask E. Jean

. That’s also the bad news. Though Trump has only raised $450,000 at last glance, a drop in the $485 million and counting bucket, he has no qualms about asking his supporters to fund his sexual misconduct while he lives in gold-plated splendor. And they’re doing it.

Which brings me to Kate Middleton. Can we just leave her alone? It’s hard to need the public and value privacy, but there could not be anything less significant than an obviously photoshopped picture on social media. I’m no Instagram whiz, but isn’t that the entire business model of the Kardashian empire? The most telling aspect of Picgate? They asked Kate to take the fall. And she did. Why? Because people are Very Worried. And by people, I mean everyone chiming in on social media.

But what exactly are we worried about? That she’s in poor health and is covering it up? Well, so? How ‘bout sending a card? The fact we can’t leave her alone reminds me of another tragic royal figure of course, but more to the point, the ways we can work against ourselves even when we don’t want to.

Women are taught and expected to be perfect. Men are taught to be brave. Part of being perfect is applauding the bravery of men, which makes me appreciate Barbie even more.

This is a chance, one of those peak moments, to band together in the fight for equality. I believe we have at least 1.4 billion chances to do it.

What do you think?

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