Grief & Better Sex | Notable, July
Learning to live with heartbreak is not figuring out how to ignore it.
First glance at my own headline and I thought, really? Yes. Really. In my experience, it’s related. If we allow grief to crack us sufficiently, we become less willing to put up with a life that’s less than fulfilling. That includes bad sex.
But if I may, some other news! Though weirdly related to this topic.
My first external review of Blissful Thinking: A Memoir of Overcoming the Wellness Revolution (Motina Books, 9/26/23) came in from the mother of all review sites, Kirkus Reviews. They’re notoriously snarky, so I asked my husband to read the email for me. He said nothing for so so long my body felt like it was sinking. Obviously they’d trashed the book and he was trying to think of how to break it to me.
When you live the experience that cries for memoir, then spend years developing the narrative arc, usher it past gatekeepers, and then work on the prose some more, it’s a nightmare to get a bad review that someone could’ve dashed off in minutes.
Finally I couldn’t wait anymore and I stood up read the email over his shoulder. The problem he’d been having was with the way the reviewer described the plot of my book. It was weirdly inaccurate, but also not? Hard to explain, but also not worth sharing because the actual review part? Amazing! Here it is. Squee!
“In this remembrance, Kirchner’s voice is self-aware and humble, making her feel like a trustworthy guide. The themes of craving love, dissecting personal flaws, and searching for peace amid chaos recur throughout the book, but her stories of her troubled personal history are effectively punctuated by the wisdom of mentors. She also openly delves into her difficult feelings surrounding the end of her marriage: “I’d been telling myself that divorce was not the same as death, but the heart doesn’t make distinctions in grief. My god-sized void had taken on the force of gravity. I feared being crushed by the weight of it.” Readers will feel a tension between resistance and surrender as she describes each new experience and then, importantly, leaves it behind.”
—KIRKUS REVIEWS
That the reviewer was struck most by this quote about grief is notable, because I’d planned to share with you Dina Gachman’s gorgeous new memoir, So Sorry for Your Loss.
BOOK RECOMMENDATION:
Themes of addiction and moms and love permeate this beautiful book, but so, too, does hope and humor. Most of all, the book makes it okay for those of us who have experienced loss and know that there is no “other” side. Everything after is just, well, after.
When I allowed myself to be changed by grief, instead of chafing against its impact, was I able to move to a different place. Not somewhere that grief no longer touched me, but I could see all it brought to my life — greater appreciation, better relationships and — surprise! — better sex.
GET MOTIVATED!
I met Lanae St. John, aka The Mama Sutra, back in 2015 at a writing conference. She impressed me with her fearless style—in her life and writing. After admiring her work over the years, I asked if she’d be willing to share her fabulous vibrator guide with you. And here it is! Do yourself a favor and check this out. Click the image to get the benefits of her sex and relationship coaching, free!
THE FUTILITY OF REGRET
And finally, this clip has been around for a while but only just came to my attention. We can wish that things were not as they are, but that is an exercise in wishing our grandmothers had wheels. Viva Italia!
PREORDER NOW!
There’s only one place to preorder signed copies of my forthcoming book, Blissful Thinking: A Memoir of Overcoming the Wellness Revolution (Motina Books, 9/26/23), and that’s Tombolo Books.
Wherever you order Blissful Thinking, in whatever format, you’re eligible to join a live creativity masterclass over Zoom with me.
And that’s what’s inspiring me for now. Till next time (probably more than monthly till the book comes out, so much to share!!!).
Thanks for the book recommendation and congrats on the review!
Will do.